Have you ever, tried to suppress a feeling inside you, making yourself immune to it, perhaps by not thinking about it, disillusioning yourself that that something has not happened, making yourself feel that it is not as grieve as it feels like (actually, you have no idea how bad it feels cuz you are not even thinking about it, or at least trying very hard not to). Then when you accidentally for god-knows-why you decided to peek into that little Pandora's Box and you discovered that you are really just a mere weakling trying desperately to live as a parasite, depending so much on someone.

Ok, I was tryign to be cheem. I know, using cheem words to describe things that I might not even know. If you understood, congrats, either you are the same level as me, hahahahaha, or you just been kheunized (that sounds familiar from somewhere), or I might really have a flair for these sort of things!!! Hahahaha.

On the lighter note, it is the time of the year again, the time when everyone gathered in SG will undoubtedly, eagerly leaving the country. Oh, and also Christmas! I so "missed" my ice-scream scooping job, wait, did i just type -scream? Ya, the awful, I mean jolly job where I listened to repeating carols in the mall. Haha.

When will I ever grow up~ Just like you, sis, ya?

1. You have to wait a whole day for a consultation with the doctor. There are just way too many people! Bring along a magazine, wait, make that two!

2. There are no toilet paper and most of the toilets cannot be flushed. Cliché. But the wards' toilets are clean and usable.

3. Good looking doctors do exist :) But people, including the family of the patient, do not usually get to see them. It is so not like in the movies.

4. Nurses know a lot. Ask them.

5. People in the wards love to talk to everyone else.

6. A container tagged "... hydroalcohol ..." is free for everyone's use. Just press the liquid into your hand and wipe it all over you hand to kill germs. No water needed :)

7. It is pretty cold in the hospital.

8. The bed is very soft. But you may have to take the blanket yourself from the shelves. Be careful not to mistake it with the mortuary blanket.

9. There are beds in the waiting room for patients to sleep while waiting for an allocation of ward which could take hours.

10. All the shows on tv are in Malay.

11. Lunch and tea and perhaps dinner are provided for patients who are waiting for their reports and for a ward. They have to, cuz patients wait for 10 hours (exaggerated) before actually admitted into the ward.


ps: I am fine and I am not admitted into any hospital.

Boredom.

And I am supposed to be studying.

Exam starts 12 Nov, less than a month. And I know that I am not going to do well. Oh well.. And I am not working towards it. Seeing some people in the hall who are really hardworking. Sigh.

I guess I just have not found the meaning of life. Oh wait, I found it: Study, Work, Pay loan, Tax, Die.

Eat :) And be merry.. It is the only thing you can look forward to here. Honestly. And the food sucks.

Me going crazy!!!!! ARGH!!! PINK for Shar!!!! ARGH!!!! RED for Mic Pte. Ltd.!!! BLACK for PSPSPS-siao-zha-bo-PSPSPSPS!!! ;p PUMPKIN ORANGE for Sh, hehe. PUMPKIN~~~ ><

I know, damn random. Haha. This is fun, maybe I will update this.

I hate having to take 1 hour and 30 minutes train to town for meet ups. Blinking [my creation] KNS [learn from elder sister]. Bad influence... Sigh...

It has been a while but I bet nobody really reads this. So...

Has been busy with uni life which I bet everyone is also. With all the assignments and projects and proposal. I mean whoever said uni life is good can go #%$&*69. Really.

Have not found anything I love in uni yet. Like sh loves CCA cuz the team are really nice and funny people. th loves CCA cuz th can do whatever th wants. Me don't exactly love my CCA and I have nothing else left but th and sh ;p

One thing that I am glad is that I don't have to be involved in the mamadrama of the hall people who are trying to woo the girls. Let the Singaporeans be with the Singaporeans. We outsiders should be contented with our own nationals or somewhere else X)

Recently, I have a fear of my own laptop. There should be some kinda -phobia for this :) Cuz my start up page in my Firefox is my mail, so it can be very scary when I have 5 mails unread T.T

Please watch Mamma Mia. It is worth your $10. Haha. Pierce Brosnan cannot sing for nuts. It is worth paying just to hear him sing and the feel good about your own voice or imitαte him. Haha. Anyone with the soundtrack please tell me T.T And also Heroes T.T

Internet in the hall has become sucky. Sigh.

yesterday, aSh came with a dying dog to my house, hoping for a vet around here but just like very other money making doctors who works half day and closes early, the nearest vet is closed. and the other one is far away but charges rm100 as an 'entrance fee'. so while on the way there, the dog died.

the dog was found sitting in the middle of the road, maybe he cannot move, but i felt he sat up with dignity. i do not know. call me crazy, emotional, whatever.

i have a respect for street dogs cuz they are very capable of taking care of themselves, even when people pour hot water on them. honestly. and they know where to do their business, well, at least those around my housing area, they chose the empty land... unlike those home breed dogs. even worse are those tiny dogs who cannot protect themselves and live only in the house with no knowledge of how difficult the outside world is. they just bark and bark and bark and wait for food and are pampered to the max!!! yes, i mean my dog too.

if you have heard the whimper the dog made in the car while covered with blood, i think you will understand how i felt that night.

actually, he looked like my old dog. my very first dog.

i know this is ridiculous, but have the stupid driver who knocked the dog and left him there thought about what if this dog is trying to get home, even if it is just a broken shelter, to the family? what if he gets knocked and left on the road?

sometimes, just cuz some things are smaller than us, we think that they are not as important as us. and when some things are bigger than us, we kill them to protect ourselves.

sometimes, doctors are just useless :( they do not save life. they do not help people. they are not as noble as the consensus think they are. they are just out to make money. be a businessman instead!

sometimes, they cannot even find a cure. just making you stay there on the bed with all the tubes inside you which cannot even save you. just prolonging your life with the reasoning that there is a probability that the researchers will find a fcure while you lay there not being able to do anything at all. and that is called prolonging 'life'. thank you very much.

well, on the other hand, doctors are not God. they are here to do their best. and somehow, their best is not always good enough. but they still cure our common sickness while charging us rm50 per visit! and all the life prolonging and controlling diseases such as diabetes which i will most likely have.

life is bad.


ps : omg. my whole screen blank out just now. damn. what happened?!! no, it is not too hot. please do not let my com die...

when you are looking at someone, have you taken time to look at the person. taking in everything, from the wrinkles and the uneven skin colour to the shape of the eyes?

when you are doing something with your parents, take your time and look at them. and see how they have aged. it would make you want to cry and afraid of losing them.

take your time. but do not be so obvious... - -"

honestly, those are the things that i wanted to capture in photographs. the little things that we would miss when some are not there anymore, whether you will still remember the wrinkle they have when they laugh.


ps : do i really have to wait for one week? :(

since many people are worried about that day, i shall be worried too.

it is not really surprising that i am not worried at this time.

not cuz i can get perfect score... duh. do i look like i am that kind of material?

but cuz well...

1. it is over, just take it! or you can choose to be so worried that you screw up your only holiday after the two years, and still face it.

2. i got stuff to worry about like how to get a bus ticket in such a short time... T.T and when will they announce the date so that i can apply leave from work?!! [ok, maybe some people does not need to worry about this...] and where am i staying?

3. i am still going to uni or college after this. either here or there. there will give me more freedom and less money. here i will have slightly more money but less freedom... hm... but here, i have aSh, reg, cl... and :p but less cute foreign guys... hehe. anyway, in conclusion, i will still continue on with life.

the only thing about taking this result is to know if my a bit of hard work at the last minute paid off [cuz i know there are people out there who are much much more hardworking than me [who comes into your mind? :D], wait, i think everyone else are more hardworking than me, but luckily they influenced me :D before it is too late [i hope...], like the day before a levels or it will be a lesson for me to work harder. T.T

another thing is the course i will be accepted in.

well, why not do your degree here and continue masters there? if you are willing.

ok, this entry is for mediocre like me... so if you are admitting that you have average results like me, you can continue reading, if not, just laugh your head off at how no ambition [is there such word : ambitionless?] and simplistic this lady can be. hehe.

my boss's daughter-in-law told me that there is one of the most expensive country to take a degree programme.

although i have to admit their courses are much wider than here. like you have to take science for a business degree. hm... nicely put, it would be holistic. another way you can say it is kiasu.

cuz there is no point in taking just one sucject on chemistry, right? it is not going to end up anywhere when 98% [random large number, as long as it has the effect :p] of what you study is accounts and the 2% is biology... god knows if you can even become a biology teacher in secondary school.

anyway, about the results... at worst, i would be embarrassing my family and myself if i get bad results. and i cannot say that i sure can get ok results cuz i am quite pantang this kind of thing. you never know... hehe.

and all the people who are watching me so that they can laugh their fat ass out when i fall, go ahead. just make sure your children do not get into a worse situation. cuz that time, i will be laughing my fat bum + thigh + tummy + baby fat out :p

while for people who put so much hope in me, first part of all, you do not know how it is like, you just think it is easy, well, the fact that i slacked so much is partly my fault too, but if i disappointed them, aww... sorry is all i can say. after all, i have nothing to do with you people, why are you so worried about me! give me stress only. but really...

as for my parents, ah, they always say it is ok. so, it is ok :D [pity my parents for having daughter like me :p better shang a char siew than me, at least they can eat char siew :p]

plus i always think that parents who put too much hope in and demand from their children are doing so cuz they themselves cannot achieve it. well, if you cannot, why force your children to walk the path that you wanted to walk on? let them be them. just like they might like art or music... i learnt that from dad; he told me so.

so, for people who are worrying... go ahead, just do not influence me :D

joking.

there is more to live. [i hope :p] if not, listen to stacie oricco's song entitled 'there's gotta be more to life'. [although i do not know the lyrics :p]

ps : very addicted to the chinese old songs from the 50's :D